Racing Through the Dark – David Millar

Read as part of the sport reading journey

David Millar was near the very top of the professional cycling pantheon when he was exposed as a user of performance enhancing drugs in 2004. Nothing unique there, but this Millar’s tale contains no lame apologies, excuses, or shifting of the blame. Instead it is a searing indictment of the sport at the time and no-holds-barred confession of his place within it, wrapped in the personal story of his rise, fall and redemption.

We learn of his early years and the emergence of his prodigious talent leading to an ambition to turn pro. Given a chance he proves his worth and is soon witnessing the secret rituals of ‘recovery’, ‘preparation’, and other dark arts, which he abhors and refuses to countenance.

But his resistance is worn down through the pressures of performance and the responsibilities of team leadership, and when he succumbs, briefly, the performances improve marginally but his enjoyment and self-respect plummet. His resolve to quit the doping and race clean again comes too late and he’s busted, sacked, and suspended from the sport, missing out on the Athens Olympics and spiralling into self-loathing, depression, debt and dependency on a few long-suffering friends.

His rehabilitation is centred on re-entering the sport as an evangelist for clean racing, making him less than popular with some but earning the respect of others. For him it now becomes more about taking part than winning, but the old talent and determination are still there, and will out.

The book has many strengths apart from the doping exposé; giving an insight into the mentality of the sporting success, the physicality and excitement of road racing, the glory of winning, and when you can’t win, the importance even when losing of gaining the respect of your opponents and more crucially of yourself.

As an avid Tour de France follower (normally on TV but this year roadside on the Cote de Grinton Moor) I found nothing here to undermine my admiration of the riders and enjoyment of the spectacle. It was only a shame David Millar was omitted from the 2014 line up in this, his retirement year.